Fracture

Where have I gone?

Who is this that speaks with my lips and mimics my every move?

The past held reality

my dream self keeps pushing forward

to repeat the same lines

to march in the fantom parade

When will I wake up?

or is this my reality

caught up in a fervor of fantasy

my self still screaming from inside

hoping for a release

for a crack that will send me spilling out again

into what?

Is this my reality?

The Power of Words

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.” The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you.”
“Of course I can,” said the father.


This story popped up in an email and it caught my eye. A little cheesy, but the point is still very valid. Word's are truly powerful tools for communication. They can raise us up, envoke laughter and feelings of elation, or cut through our hearts with all the grace and feeling of a chainsaw weilding psychopath.

In DV (Domestic Violence) classes, they teach you that words can hurt as badly as physical blows....sometimes worse. The scars arent visible and most abusers dont consider it 'abuse'. Verbally and/or emotionally abusing another is a tool used by someone that is usually insecure or controlling, and shows a great lack of respect...for themselves, for one they are hurting... and for God.

I have always tried to maintain that in any arguement, in any relationship, name calling is to be avoided at all costs. There is no reason for it. It only serves to send the 'discussion' in a direction that is not positive and is unbecoming to the eyes of our Lord. We are supposed to lift each other up, not use words that we know will hurt.....and just because you are angry is not an excuse.

I admit to using name calling in arguements in the past, and knew at the moment it escaped my lips that it was wrong. I let anger get the better of me. Instead of stopping, pulling back and asking God for help, I acted on the torrent of rage that pulsed through my brain. I know that He expects better of me, and I know that I am capable of better than that.

Words DO matter! I have been told before, "it's just words, and only because I'm upset" or "I'm sorry, but at least I dont say it very often". But just like the story above, our hearts bear the wound holes of hurtful words that can fade over time, but never close up completely. They can alter the way our children look at communicating with others, and can spawn a new generation of abusers.

Asking God to help us control our temper if we are prone to losing it is the only way to truly overcome. We are weak and alone may be able to mask it, or keep it under control for a short time, but in the end our Creator is the only one that can tweak that knob in our brain to help us put a stop to out of control tempers that tempt us to abuse. It takes time, and hard work and faith to turn around a habit that for many people has been formed very early on.

There is always hope. It is not immpossible, because with God...anything is possible!

Beginning

I wondered
if you would come around
and you would hear my words with your heart
your eyes to see me again

I know
that your heart is torn
your confusion lies in fear and guilt
like the blanket of a night without stars

I understand
what you feel
the most raw of all emotions
welling from deep in places that are only primal

I touch
your wounds with the lightest of caresses
and the hastiness of one trying to move forward
with only what i know
and only what i can afford to give

I hope
against all that I know is broken
that the pieces of us
bashed and battered
be mended with patience and time

I love
you with my whole heart
perfect in your imperfection
the beauty that you are
the friend that makes me both laugh and cry